


A Selfish Man

by Chiazu



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chiazu/pseuds/Chiazu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't care why you couldn't tell me!" Reid took a shaky breath before speaking again. "I want to know why you wouldn't tell me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Selfish Man

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the first episode of season 7. I wrote this a little over a year ago, after the premier.

Wow. That was all Aaron Hotchner could think as he watched his youngest agent fire his gun with near perfect accuracy. He knew Reid had been visiting the firing range often since the supposed death of Prentiss, they all did in fact, but no one knew he had improved so much. Hotch had seen him take down Doyle's ex-lover without hesitation, but didn't think anything of it until now.

Now it was if Reid never had trouble firing a gun, almost like he was meant to fire it. Strange how watching Reid now, the model of perfection, all Hotch could see was the gangly kid who could barely hold a gun, let alone fire it, from eight years ago. Had he really chance that much in the months since they first learned of Doyle? Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Hotch walked over to the younger man as he put down his gun.

Hotch waited as Reid carefully took off his bulky earmuffs followed by his earplugs. Of course he's doubled up. He always does. After a few more seconds of Reid fiddling with the ear protection, pretending to be careful about putting them away instead of just ignoring the man standing silently behind him, he finally faced Hotch and spoke. "What is it?" Not the greeting the older man was hoping for.

Even so, Hotch couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips. It was better than Reid not speaking to him at all, which he was scared might actually happened. "Nothing, really, just wanted to see how you were doing." He could feel his face grow warmer at the statement. While it was the truth, there also much more he wanted to say. He just wasn't sure how to voice his concerns. Or his insecurities about where he stood with Reid after that had happen in the past two weeks.

"I'm fine." It was short and harsh without meaning to be, and so very like Reid.

"Good." An awkward silence settled between the men for a moment before Hotch spoke again. "Your aiming has improved." He gestured towards to paper target for emphasis. Reid glanced over his shoulder before muttering a thanks and holstering his gun. Another silence, just as awkward as the first.

"Anything else?" Reid's voice was just harsh as it was the first time around. It was a bit unnerving to have Reid talk to him in such a way. Hotch was finding it harder and harder to gather the courage to bring up the topic he wanted, the really reason why he had come here in the first. Reid, however, had taken the older man's silence as a no and was beginning to leave. Before he could took another past him, Hotch grabbed onto the younger man's wrist. He didn't want things to continued they were.

"Let me go." It wasn't forcefully, but it was demanding none the less.

"No, we need to talk." Hotch tightened his grip on Reid's wrist just a fraction more. A Fraction stronger than genius' ability to pull away from him.

"I have to go. I'll be late."  
"Reid."  
"You will as well."  
"Reid."  
"And I don't want anyone sneaking their paper work in with mine."  
"Spencer!"

Hotch didn't mean for his voice to sound so demanding, but it did. And he certainly didn't mean to say Spencer, they never each other's first names while working, but thankfully he did. Because of that Reid was looking at him, willing to hear what Hotch had to say. "I'm sorry."

Reid nodded his head as he looked away from Hotch, not believing him. "Really," Hotch spoke quietly as he his hand slid down to meet Reid's, "I am so sorry. I hated lying to you."

"Then why did you?" Reid pulled his hand and was once again looking Hotch in the eye.

"You know why."

"No, I don't know." He wasn't angry more, at least he wasn't acting that way. But Hotch could still hear the hurt in reid's voice.

"I couldn't tell you. Doyle was still out there and would have-"

"Don't," Reid started, shaking his head in frustration, "Don't give me a bureaucratic answer! I don't care why you couldn't tell me!" Reid took a shaky breath before speaking again. "I want to know why you wouldn't tell me."

It was like he was on a roller coaster. Hotch felt stomach drop, and it was hard to keep eye contact with the man right in front of him. Why did he keep Prentiss' true condition from Reid? Why had he allowed the man he loved to be in so much pain and grief, when he could have told him everything and ended it all that night seven months ago? Reid wouldn't told anyone else if Hotch asked him not to.

But it wasn't that simple. Few things were anymore.

"It was the only way I could protect her." A selfish answer from a selfish man.

"That's not fair."

"I know." He looked away, not see the betrayal in Reid's eyes.

They were silent once again. Only this it wasn't an awkward silence. It was contemplative and patient, both waiting for the other to speak.

Hotch felt a hand grasp his own and looked down. He saw Reid holding his hand lightly, the same way he often held his favorite book. Without a second thought or hesitation, Hotch grabbed the side of Reid's face and pulled him in for a kiss. It was a desperate and sloppy kiss. A kiss that said 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' all at once. A heart breaking, soul crashing kiss that they never wanted to end.

The eventually stopped for air, resting their foreheads against each other. "I missed you." It was barely above a whisper, but Hotch heard it still.

"I've been back for over two weeks."

Reid smirked. "I still missed you."

Hotch hummed his appreciation. "I missed you too." He kissed Reid again, just as desperately as before. There was a hunger in the kiss now, from both men. They were grasping at each others shirts. Reid let Hotch push him up against the wall, pinning him as Hotch made his from Reid's lips to his neck.

After what felt like an eternity, Hotch's hand finally found the soft skin beneath Reid's shirt. He heard Reid gasp, felt the younger man's breath on his ear, causing Hotch to smile against his neck. The first things he learned about Reid during their first time, even though it had been complete failure, was that Reid loved feel of Hotch's hands against his skin. Callouses and all. Hotch never passed up an opportunity to exploit this weakness either. Seeing Reid flustered was always a special treat.

The hand on the back of his head, lightly pulling at his hair, forced Hotch to move back up to Reid's lips. Hotch moved as close to Reid as he could, pressing himself against the younger, wanting to make up for three month's worth of lost time. There was grinding, there was panting, there was lip biting, there was a door closing.

There was a door closing. Hotch backed away, rubbing his forehead. He peaked around the corner of their station, thankful they were at the end of range, to see who had come in. A man halfheartedly waved at him. Hotch nodded in return. All the while, Reid was tucking his shirt back in and trying to even out his breaths.

Convinced that the man didn't know Reid was with him, Hotch let himself relax. He glanced at the other man, smiling at how flustered he had become in such a short amount of time. Reid smiled back his knowing smile. "You were gone three months." He whispered so the newcomer wouldn't hear. Hotch didn't laugh, even though he wanted. At least Reid wasn't mad anymore.

"How much longer will you be here?"

Reid shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Long enough so no one will suspect anything."

Hotch nodded. He pulled Reid in for another kiss, this time chaste, but loving all the same, before resting his forehead against the younger man's again. " See you tonight?"

"Of course." No hesitation. Just complete assuredness. Very Reid like.

As Hotch left, hating that he had to in the first, he saw Reid put on his earplugs and earmuffs again.


End file.
